it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
