I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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