I looked at my own cervix.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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