May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
