I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
