It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
