Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
