I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize