What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
These tits shall not be calmed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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