Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
