It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
