I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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