And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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