Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
