I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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