who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
