I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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