Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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