maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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