How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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