Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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