I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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