I just made out with a guy for $7.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
