I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize