...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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