Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
