**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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