Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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