I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Randomize
