just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
