you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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