i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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