Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
