i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
