just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize