I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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