Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize