so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
