my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
