i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
