but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
