You smell like stripper and shame
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
