end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Fuck appropriateness.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
