Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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