So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize