Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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