I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
