you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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