I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
pop tarts are not kleenex
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
