you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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