At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
