Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
