Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
