What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
