Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
