Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
