i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
