After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
