So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
