if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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