then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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