Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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