the new term for farting is butt boxing.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
