My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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