bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
