At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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