This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
