hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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