I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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