I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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