Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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