New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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