How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
