I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
