I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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