I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
