farters have to be the big spoon...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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