If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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