YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
